Trial #1: When they learn how to kiss. It’s cute at first, getting a kiss goodnight or goodbye. But then it becomes a kiss, and another, and another, oh and one more. Back to back to back. Eventually you have to tell them, “No, I will not make out with you.”
Trial #2: Having kids is an expensive thing. We really need the money, so we need to work. But we can’t find a sitter and daycare costs more than we can afford. Sound familiar? It’s a never ending vicious cycle.
Trial #3: That moment when you are playing blocks with your kids. You are in the middle of making this really awesome tower, and have so far put up a good fight to keep it standing. You let your defense down for one second, confident your child is focused on something else. Next thing you know, BAM! A monster truck comes out of nowhere and blocks go flying in every direction. As you pick up the yellow rectangle to start again, you can’t help but think, ” Boys will be boys, eh?”
Trial # 4: YOU try convincing a year and a half old that a bag of cotton balls is not marshmallows. Especially after sticking one in his mouth didn’t do the trick.
Trial #5: It’s 2:16 am and you wake up to the sound of your kid screaming in the other room. You stumble out of bed, bleary eyed and still half asleep, hoping that this time they will calm down fast so you can go back to sleep. We’ve all been there. But when I am holding him and he falls back asleep in my arms… I find myself still sitting there, staring down at my beautiful boy, even though I have to get up for work in a few hours and my legs are falling asleep. And I realize I can’t remember the last time I actually stopped what I was doing and just studied him. These are the moments to hold on to.
Trial #6: No, son. It is not okay to look under dressing room doors. They are not playing hide and seek.
Trial #7: I miss actual days off. Non one is kidding when they say motherhood is a full time job.
Trial #8: That guilty feeling you get when you watch someone else’s child throw a tantrum in a grocery store and deep down you are just happy it’s not yours this time. Then you shake your head and walk away like your kid would NEVER act that way.
Trial #9: Don’t you just love when you are cleaning up the house and they follow behind you taking everything right back out. Guess they weren’t done playing with that… Or that… Or that either.
Trial #10: Attempting to decide whether that was their first “real” smile… or just another gas bubble. Because you don’t wanna write it in the baby book if it wasn’t really their first smile.
Trial #11: The days when you get so frustrated you yell into your pillow. I am lucky enough to have Josh Williams as my other half. He comes and takes them away for the night, tells me to go to sleep and that he has got it from here.
Trial # 12: Breast feeding… That is all.
Trial #13: You finally get them to sleep after hours of crying and screaming, and you really have to use the restroom. You know if you try to move them off your lap, they will wake up again… and for a moment you seriously consider just peeing your pants. But just for a moment (or two).
Trial # 14: You don’t know what you are more excited about on your first night out; The fact that you can roll down your windows and blast your music, or the fact that you have a night out.
Trial #15: Mom’s may have eyes in the back of their heads, but kids pay us back by having a sixth sense. They can tell the minute they leave our arms, no matter how fast asleep they are. So I sit, and I hold you and watch you sleep. But really, I do need to clean this house sometime.
Trial # 16: When your kid does something wrong and you try to scold them for their behavior. But, what they did was so darn cute you can’t keep a straight face long enough to actually follow through. Ya. These are the moments we will be laughing at years from now.
Trial #17: I have mastered ten minute showers and getting ready in five. So I can spend the next thirty minutes chasing the little monsters around to get them dressed and the diaper bags packed. And I still ALWAYS forget something.
Trial #18: Dear Zander: Yesterday you loved nuggets and fries. Today all you want is animal crackers and peanut butter. And I am just supposed to magically know this because? Apparently mind reader is a job qualification to being a mom.
Trial #19: I swear my kids are set to go off at five minute intervals. As soon as I get one calm, the other starts in. Its ok though, I don’t really need to get those dishes done or the laundry folded. The most important thing is catering to your every whim and need…. *sigh*
Trial #20: That hour you lay in bed trying to fall asleep at night… that’s when the kids will sleep soundly. But as soon as your eyes start to close and you are almost out; Cue the crying. Its practically guaranteed.