Sometimes I just feel so drained. My eyes hurt from staying open, but closing them seems to make no sense. My head is foggy but my thoughts are clear. They are screaming DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE!!! Something that involves being a good mom, keeping up with your job, cleaning the house, and keeping dreams alive. But how much of this is really possible? How much of it is a fantastic fantasy that is not really achievable in the 24 hours we are allotted in a day? Cauz, when you start to expect too much of yourself, all you are doing is hitting your head against a wall as you fall deeper under and further behind. Be aware of your boundaries, but don’t stop striving to achieve. Now tell me, how is it that those two things can ever coexist? Somedays I feel like giving up, somedays it gets to be too much. No, my life isn’t terrible, yes I am a very lucky and incredibly blessed person. But I am entitled to a bad day here and there, and sometimes those bad days are more of TERRIBLE days. And on those days, all I can manage is too hold my head semi-high, fight back the doubts to a manageable level and walk on. I am strong, I am capable. But I am human, and this is my right: I can’t always stand tall.
I’ll make it through those tough days, I know there is sun coming up in the forecast. That those dark clouds will eventually drop their storm and move on. And I may even look back someday and think, “HELL! I shoulda danced in that rain instead of drowning in it.” But hindsight is 20/20 right? Now don’t blow this all out of proportion. I am fine, I am happy, I am ALIVE! This is simply a reflection of toughin’ it out and making it through. A reflection to remind myself, it’s ok to be down, it’s ok to fall behind every now and then, as long as I remember to keep fighting in the end.
I am me, and that is perfectly okay.